Abuse
- What do we mean by "abuse"?
- Feelings and symptoms you may experience:
- What might help
- Further help & useful contacts
What do we mean by "abuse"?
"Abuse" is the name we give to behaviour which is felt by the recipient to be damaging, intrusive and inappropriate, and which the recipient feels powerless to stop. Very often when we talk of abuse, we think of this in relation to the actions of an older person misusing their position of trust in relation to a child or young person. But sometimes adults can find themselves in abusive relationships, or they may experience an attack or assault which brings up feelings similar to those experienced by people abused in childhood. Children who were habitually bullied at school, or felt they were made to do unpleasant things they didn't want to do, may also be affected.
Abuse can take different forms; it may be physical, emotional or sexual or a mixture of all three, and it can happen to anyone regardless of gender, ethnic group, culture or age. It's not always easy to recognise that some of these experiences may be responsible for difficulties you are experiencing now, particularly if you couldn't talk about them at the time.
Feelings and symptoms you may experience:
- depression,
low self esteem: you may feel vulnerable and withdrawn,
and be
feeling bad about yourself; you may even feel suicidal from time
to time;
- anxious
and panicky: in certain circumstances you may have
flashbacks or
panic attacks;
- sleep
disturbance: you may find getting to sleep or staying
asleep difficult
or you may have recurrent nightmares;
- distrustful:
you may find your relationships, particularly sexual
relationships, are
affected;
- difficulties
in concentrating: it may be hard to think about your
university
work, or you may find that particular topics or materials you're
working
on remind you of what has happened;
- self
destructive: sometimes these feelings may make you want
to harm
yourself in various ways; abuse may give rise to feelings about
your body
which result in urges to cut yourself or you may develop an
eating disorder
or misuse alcohol or drugs;
- lonely, ashamed and embarrassed: these feelings are difficult to talk about and it may be hard to realise how widespread this problem is; you may even feel as though it is your fault.
It is often hard to begin to talk about these issues, since you may have been threatened by the abuser and worried about getting him or her and yourself into trouble. Often the situation is complicated by the fact that, much as you hated the abusive behaviour, the abuser was someone you loved and, initially, trusted.
What might help
- Remember that to have come this far you have
a lot of strengths and resources which can help you, if you
can get
in touch with them.
- Because of your experiences, you may feel
embarrassed
or scared to talk to someone else, but it is important not
to bottle
up your feelings; try to talk to someone you trust about
what is troubling
you; some suggested sources of help are given below.
- You may
be feeling that you are alone in having been through such
experiences;
sometimes it can help to know that abuse in childhood is
unfortunately
a lot more frequent than we might want to believe.
- Take time to look after yourself; make
sure you
get enough rest, relaxation, sleep, and that you eat
properly; think
about positive strategies you could use when you're feeling
low, for
example calling a friend, going for a walk, listening to
music.
- If you have been the victim of a recent
attack,
phone or go for help immediately; you could ask a friend or
family
to help you find appropriate help, for example, the Police,
Oxford
Rape Crisis, Women's Aid (see helpline numbers below).
- Take your feelings seriously. It may help to talk with someone with pastoral responsibilities at your college, a counsellor, your GP or use the helpline numbers listed below. This is particularly important if your experiences have led you to resort to self-destructive ways of behaving that could affect your physical and emotional health.
If you have strong feelings of hopelessness, or are having suicidal thoughts and feelings, you should contact someone for help as soon as possible.
Information regarding the University's Code of Practice on Harassment and the support available may be obtained by phoning (2)70760 (during office hours) or by e-mailing Harassment Line.
Further help & useful contacts
| Organisation | Phone |
|---|---|
| Oxford University Student Counselling Service | 01865 (2)70300 |
| Nightline | 01865 (2)70270 |
| Oxford Sexual Abuse and Rape Crisis Centre | 01865 726295 |
| Mind Crisis Line | 01865 251152 |
| Samaritans |
0845 7909090 01865 722122 |
| Victim Support | 0845 3030900 |
| Women's Aid National Helpline | 0808 2000247 |
| Childline | 0800 1111 |
| Domestic Abuse, Oxfordshire | 0800 731 0055 |